Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying

Happy Easter!

2011-04-25T04:12:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter Everyone! It's literally been like 8 months since I last posted, but we are all doing great and loving life. My little one isn't so little anymore. She is beautiful and so very smart and we just love her to pieces!

Happy Birthday Randi!

2010-08-18T18:07:00.000-07:00

One year ago today I held my baby girl in my arms for the first time. I can't believe she's a year old already. It has went by so fast. I love every minute of every day that I get to spend with her. I am truly so very blessed. Happy Birthday Randi! Mommy and Daddy love you so very much!!

Birthday Party

2010-08-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

We had Randi's first birthday party on Saturday at our house. We had originally planned on having a huge party but due to everyone's schedule we had to settle on a small get-together which turned out perfectly. Just the grandparents and a few of randi's cousins and a couple of aunts and uncles were in attendance but we had a great time. Randi did so well. She loved unwrapping the presents and especially loved her cake. Her actual birthday isn't until the 18th but I can't wrap my head around the fact that she will be a year old very very soon. It went by so fast! She's talking a lot more, well baby talk, but she does say baby, mom, dad and dog. And we do animal sounds and we'll ask her what the lion says and she roars. It's absolutely hilarious. She has such the little personality, she's so much fun to be around. She'll stand on her own now but has yet to take her first steps but I'm sure those will be coming soon. She still sleeps like a newborn, getting up several times a night but I've gotten used to the lack of sleep so it's ok. She's precious and happy and lights up my life.

Another Tooth!

2010-07-31T17:48:00.001-07:00

Having fun playing

My first 4th of July

Swimming in my little pool

Finally Randi has gotten her second tooth, it's right next to her first one on the bottom. It popped up on Thursday. She's nearly a year old and only two teeth. She wants to eat real food so bad but without any chompers she just can't have much. She loves mashed potatoes though! Randi's first birthday is fast approaching and we were going to have a big bash for her but so many of my family members wouldn't be able to attend so we have decided on having just something small at our house with just the grandparents and us. That's all we need anyway right? I wish we could have done something bigger, I had such a vision in my head. Maybe next year. Randi is doing so many new things these days. She is shaking her head yes now and will shake it yes if we ask her if she is hungry or wants a bottle. She was just shaking it "no" previously. She waves bye and is standing on her own at times. She hasn't gotten brave enough to try to walk on her own but she can cruise right along when holding on to something.

I have to get her One Year pictures taken, we have tried several people in the past and I'm quickly coming to the conclusion that I need to learn more about photography and buy a good camera and take the pictures myself. Any suggestions? I am literally a huge dummy when it comes to cameras. I can barely work my cheap digital one that I have. But we have been spending small fortunes every time we get her pictures taken and it will be totally more cost effective if I can learn to do them myself. Can't be that difficult right if you have the right equipment?

Well, it's time to put Randi to bed. Hope you all are doing well!

(I have yet to figure out how to get my pictures to post in the right order, sorry!)

1st Trip to the Zoo

2010-06-27T13:45:00.000-07:00

This past Friday I took off of work early and we packed up the car and headed to the zoo. I totally dislike the Zoo, we always seemed to have field trips there when I was little and I never liked it and can distinctly remember throwing up my lunch on one specific trip to the zoo. I am not an outdoorsy person by any stretch of the imagination and am quite possibly the most girlie girl when it comes to animals and bugs. They creep me out. But and this is a very big but, there is not one thing on this earth that I won't do for my daughter, so to the zoo we went. It's not like Randi said to me, "Mom, you know what I'd really like to do today? I'd like to go to the zoo." But being as she is only 10 months old, there are very limited things that she "likes" to do and she loves seeing animals. We stand out on our deck and watch the squirrels and birds and rabbits and she just loves it. She always just watches in amazement so I thought for sure she'd love going to the zoo. It was a beautiful day on Friday and it wasn't too crowded and she did love the zoo. She loved being around all the people, she loved seeing the geese and loved taking a ride on the train. We were only there two hours but she enjoyed the full two hours and that made it an awesome day. Just minutes of getting into the car and she was passed out from all the excitement. I'm glad she had a good time and I'm glad that I did not throw up my lunch. :0

Randi riding around the living room

2010-06-16T15:39:00.000-07:00

My daughter is the coolest. She is so funny riding around on this little thing, it's by Fisher Price and it's called a corn popper. Her feet can touch the ground and she can totally move it herself but prefers to have mom or dad push her. Enjoy!

Camera Shy

2010-06-13T09:38:00.001-07:00

Oh mom, please don't take pictures of me while I'm trying to nap.

Nutrisystem

2010-06-01T05:25:00.000-07:00

I joined Nutrisystem yesterday. I had to. I'm fat. I gained 50 pounds with my daughter and still have 8 pounds to lose of that and before I had Randi I had gained 20 pounds with all the miscarriages. I am totally disgusted with my body, there are stretch marks and saggy skin everywhere. I only lost 17 pounds after having Randi, I've lost 25 pounds by dieting and exercising and since losing that, I've just given up. I'm ready to start again and need some help in doing so. I have never ever had to diet before, the weight always just fell off of me when I was younger. I have never been the chubby one in my family or friends and now I am. It's really hard to take in, but I have to do something about it then just sit here and complain. I have my 10 year class reunion coming up in September and almost every girl I graduated high school with looks exactly the same if not thinner now than they did in high school, even after having babies. The reunion is not why I want to lose weight, but it's motivation. I need to lose this weight for me so that when I go out, I don't feel like people are staring at me because I'm so disgusting. I don't feel comfortable in anything that I wear and I hate shopping because I just get frustrated because I don't know how to dress this body. Ok, that's enough complaining for one post, so wish me luck ladies, I'm gonna need it!

Randi's first tooth

2010-05-19T06:10:00.000-07:00

My daughter turned 9 months old yesterday and on that day we discovered a little somethin' somethin' in her mouth, a little pearly white tooth emerging from her gums!! She hasn't been sleeping very good, she'll wake up every other hour crying and she's been doing this for about a week now and this tooth explains why. She's been perfect throughout the day so I can't complain. We're so excited about her tooth, I didnt' think they would ever come. :) A few other milestones I'd like to mention as I use this blog somewhat to keep track of what Randi's doing, she's very very quickly crawling now. About a month ago she was scooting all over and just last week she's full blown crawling. She stands up next to everything and sometimes thinks she can walk and quickly lets go of whatever it is she is holding on to and then plops firmly on her little behind. She is much more vocal and I swear she's telling us stories. She'll ramble on for sometimes 10 minutes at a time just talking in her own little language. I love it! She is absolutely in love with the Sprout channel. There's this little chicken on there I think, it is called Chica and every time she comes on Randi smiles big and claps her hands. She does the same thing for Elmo too. I love love love being a Mom to her. She is absolutely a wonderful baby. She's still a pretty terrible sleeper but I'm sure that will get better as she gets older. I will leave you with a pic of Randi's new teeth. Ok, so they're fake halloween teeth that her aunt thought would be funny and so did Randi. She played right along and underneath those teeth was making a huge smile. She's such a ham! The pictures hard to see but it totally cracks me up.

Reflux

2010-04-24T18:27:00.001-07:00

I took my daughter back to the doctor on Thursday because she has been spitting up a lot, has wet burps and cries when we lay her down. Reflux right? This is the third time I've taken her to the doctor and finally they gave us some medicine to help her. She has been making weight so I guess that's why they weren't too concerned before. Well, we gave her the med on Thursday night and it seemed to help and we gave it to her again on Friday morning. That afternoon I picked her up from the sitter's house and she said to me, "I think she's allergic to her medicine". My poor baby was covered in hives. She had just gotten the hives so I called the doctor and they said to bring her in. We were told to give her benedryl and that it should clear up soon. Well almost 24 hours later, they were much much worse than they had been. The benedryl wasn't helping at all. We took had to take her to the ER. They gave her some steroids and told us to give her a larger dose of benedryl. Well, the hives are finally starting to clear up some. They're still there but are getting better. Has anyone else had a child allergic to Zantac? I asked the doctor if children are generally allergic to this particular reflux med and they said, nope, she's the first one we've seen be allergic to it. Go figure.

Randi's 1st Easter

2010-04-06T04:40:00.000-07:00

Here's a pic of my darling sweet girl rockin' her little polka dot dress for Easter.

6 months

2010-02-22T16:03:00.001-08:00

Hello Ladies!!! I know I said my last post would be my last but I simply just couldn't stay away. Although I haven't written any posts since the birth of my daughter, I honestly still read yours every day. So I must say that motherhood is the absolute greatest thing in the world. I love love love being a mom. The first eight weeks were the toughest after we brought her home. I have never ever been that tired. I was lucky to get a few hours of broken up sleep a day. I was sleep deprived to say the least but as they all say, it does get better. Although Randi has regressed some in the past few weeks due to some pesky gas that she seems to get at night, she normally gets up just once a night. I still get very very tired sometimes because she'll have her good nights and then some not so good ones mixed in there too. She is an excellent eater. She loves all her fruits and vegetables and drinks her bottle like a champ. She recently started palming the bottle. She was too cool to be holding it with two hands anymore so she switched to one. So cute! She can sit up all by herself and just talks talks talks to us all day long. The doctor says she's meeting all of her milestones and then some and is just perfect and healthy. Babies honestly do grow up just so very fast. I feel like I'm missing so much when I'm at work but I have to work so there's no way around that, it just makes our time together all that more special.

I don't have much time to write as you can imagine but I just wanted to drop in and let everyone know how things are going. To those of you ladies out there still waiting for your precious miracles to come, they will and I promise you, it's all worth it and then some! Hang in there!

Welcome Randi Lyrae

2009-08-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

Randi Lyrae Hire born August 18th, 2009 at 11:38a.m. She weighed 6 lbs 11oz and was 20 inches long. She has tons of dark hair and is just the most beautiful sight I've ever laid my eyes on. I love her so much already. I started getting contractions at 12:30a.m. the morning of the 18th and went into the hospital at 2:00a.m. They checked me right when I got there and I was at 2cm. They hooked me up to the monitors which showed that I was barely having any contractions at all. They then again checked me an hour from that and I was still at 2cm so they sent me home. As soon as I got home I started having severe back labor. Ladies, if you haven't experienced labor, it is the most excruciating pain you will ever feel in your lives. (don't want to scare you but it's indescribable pain). The contractions were less than a minute a part and were lasting over a minute with each one. I managed to stay at home for a couple hours after they discharged me for the first time but I just couldn't take it any longer. We went back to L&D and they no sooner got me hooked up to the monitors and I got checked and the nurse started moving very quickly. I asked her what I was dilated to and she said "You're at a 9, you're going to have this baby soon!" Excuse me, what???? I was freaking out. I started sobbing hysterically because I knew at that point there was no room for an epidural or pain medication of any sort. I literally thought I was going to die. I didn't know how I was going to be able to live through any more pain than I had already been experiencing. Everyone was moving very very quickly. They got me to a room, my husband managed to call my labor team in and within about 20 minutes they were all there. The doctor came in and was scrubbed and ready to go and he checked me and, a great thanks to the Lord for this one, I was really only dilated to 7cm. The nurse who checked me previously was obviously a little off. They called the anesthesiologist in and got me an epidural and after that I quickly calmed down. We arrived at the hospital for the second time at 7:00a.m. and Randi was out by 11:38a.m. The whole process seemed very very quick but I was actually in labor for about 12 hours. The pictures are mostly from when she was just minutes old. My dad, Randy is holding her in the first one. Only fitting as she was named after her Grandpa. We're so over the moon in love with this little girl. I just can't stop looking at her. I barely stayed in the hospital for 24 hours. We went in at 7:00a.m. on the 18th and were released by 1:00p.m. on the 19th (by the way, the 19th was my 3 year wedding anniversary and we couldn't have asked for a better present than what we got, our daughter). I haven't slept really but maybe 5 or 6 hours in 3 days but I just can't take my eyes off this girl. She's perfect in every way. She's the best eater and sleeper and almost never cries.

This will probably be my last post. I have gotten what I need from this blog, all your support got me through the most difficult time I had ever faced in my life. My life has started a new chapter now that I'm more than thrilled to begin. I will continue to follow your posts as I think of you girls often and want so badly for your miracles to come as I know they will. I can't thank you enough for all the support you gave me. I will continue to do the same for you. Thanks girls!!!

38 weeks

2009-08-03T04:16:00.000-07:00

Wow, 38 weeks today. Where does the time go? It's been a little over a week that I've been on bedrest and I'm not as bored as I thought I would be. And surprisingly I thought I would be taking many naps throughout the day but I have yet to take one. What I'm doing, I'm not really sure, but something seems to be occupying my day. My appointment last Thursday went well. BP is good, urine is clear and I only gained a pound from the week before. I didn't get my cervix checked so not sure if I'm dilated any more or not. I will get checked this Thursday when I go back to the doctor though. I'm hoping she comes soon, I'm ready to see her.

Shower

2009-07-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

Had my baby shower and it was all that I could have ever hoped for. Almost everyone invited showed up, the food was great, the presents were absolutely adorable, but most importantly, I ACTUALLY had a baby shower!!! Something at one point and time I thought would never happen. I had been working on a slide show to present at the shower recapping all of our struggles to have this little girl and let me tell you, there was not a dry eye in the place. My goal wasn't to make anyone cry but let's face it, infertility sucks and it's bound to bring many tears. But at the end of the show, they were tears of joy. The song that played during the slide show couldn't have been more appropriate. It's called 'I would die for that' by Kellie Coffey. You have to check it out. It applies to all of us infertiles. I didn't get any pictures with my camera but plenty of others did so when they send them to me I will try and post them. I'll be 37 weeks tomorrow and this little girl will then be considered full-term. Next appointment is on Thursday.

36 weeks 3 days

2009-07-23T14:33:00.000-07:00

Well, ladies, I'm on bed rest. I've had some serious excessive swelling and rises in my blood pressure so I'm off work until this baby comes. I'm a fingertip dilated but the doc doesn't think this baby is coming any time soon. And wow, do they really have to reach up that far to check your cervix??? I swear I could feel his hand in my throat. The baby's heart rate was much higher than what it normally is and it kind of concerned me but no one else was concerned so I ate my fears. Next appointment, next Thursday. What ever am I going to do on three weeks of bed rest???? Hmmm, I'll have to get some good books to read.

36 weeks

2009-07-20T06:58:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm still chugging along. I've decided that work is what is making me miserable these days. I get so swollen from being there, my blood pressure goes up and my back hurts from sitting in my chair at my desk all day long. And, I've been working seven days a week so I don't really get a break. My blood pressure was pretty elevated when I was at work on Saturday and my hands were swelling which hasn't been happening so I went to get checked out at the hospital. Bloodwork, and urine all came back just fine and my blood pressure was back down to normal levels before I left there. Of course, the on-call doc thought I was overreacting and I kind of wanted to smack him. He literally said that I was overreacting and I said well, I'd rather be safe than sorry. We all know, pregnant women and high blood pressure aren't a good combo. I have my 36 week appointment this Thursday and we'll see what my doctor says about taking me out of work by the end of this week. I only have this week and next left to work but I'd rather be out now. Not that I'm in any kind of pain or anything or that I'm so miserable that I can't take it, it's just that my symptoms get worse and worse each day that I'm here, so why not take off early if I can? My doctor's pretty laid back so I doubt he'll let me out earlier than I had anticipated taking off. My shower is this weekend and I have a feeling it's going to be a pretty emotional day. There was a long time there where I thought I would never make it far enough into a pregnancy to be able to have a shower. I still can't believe she's going to be here in just four weeks.
On another note, my blogger friend Stace had her babies on Sunday. I'm really excited for her. Although her twins were over twelve weeks early, they're troopers and I'm sure will come out of the NICU earlier than expected. Congrats Stace!!!

35 weeks

2009-07-13T07:11:00.000-07:00

35 weeks down, only 5 more to go. Crazy. It's coming up so fast. I'm so excited and really quite scared too. I know I will love being a mom, I'm not scared about that. I'm quite honestly scared about the delivery. I tend to be a little bit of a hypochondriac about things so, go figure, every irrational thought is running through my head of what "could" happen but probably wouldn't in a million years. But, I know I'll get through it because, after all, women do this all the time, right??? Okay, enough about that. I've gained almost 40 pounds thus far, yuck. Hope it comes off later. And I know I haven't taken a belly pic in a while, but I don't seem that much bigger but it feels like there is literally no more room in there. My stomach feels stretched to the max. It's getting harder to breathe and her kicks and punches rather hurt sometimes. I swear she's gonna just punch her way out of there. And even though I sit at a desk all day at work, I am soooo uncomfortable and sore by the end of the day. Imagine what would happen if I had to stand all day? How do some women do it? Well, that's all I have for today.

34 weeks, 4 days

2009-07-10T05:30:00.000-07:00

Had my 34 week appointment yesterday and we've established that I've been having Braxton Hicks contractions. I've been getting what feels like period cramps on and off for the past few days and apparently that's what contractions feel like??? Blood pressure's good, urine is clear and I gained another three pounds. We have our last two week appointment and then it's down to every week. Can't believe we only have five and a half weeks left to go. It's a little scary but I'm so ready for it. I'm getting so unbelievably uncomfortable. No position I'm in feels good, but it's par for the course.

32 weeks, 3 days

2009-06-25T15:50:00.000-07:00

Had my last ultrasound today and everything was perfect. She weighs 4.2 pounds, she's in the 30th percentile for her weight. I'm measuring at 33 weeks, my blood pressure was a low 100/60 and no protein in my urine and probably the best part of the appointment besides seeing her again, I only gained 2.6 pounds since the last appointment. A total of 34 pounds exactly since we found out we were pregnant. I'm hoping to not go past 45 pounds, I would have liked for less but everything else has been going perfectly that weight gain really isn't important. My husband and I watched Trans.formers after the appointment and the movie was pretty good, however, theatre seats, not so comfortable when you're 32 weeks pregnant. Needless to say, after two and a half hours of sitting in those seats, I was ready to get out of there. We have another appointment in two weeks.

32 weeks

2009-06-22T05:46:00.000-07:00

32 weeks down, only 8 more to go. I feel like I am stretched to the max. Just when I think I couldn't get any bigger, I do. Pregnancy's a pretty amazing process. Unbelievable things happen to your body. Not much to post today. Have an ultrasound on Thursday that I'm really looking forward to. Haven't had one since 22 weeks I believe. It will be neat to see how much she's grown since then. Hopefully things are right on track. I only have six weeks left of work and that's hard to believe. The company I work for pays for two weeks before your due date so I am definitely going to take them up on that. Right now I can say that I wouldn't mind working up until I have her but ask me that in six weeks and I'm sure I'll change my tune and be more than ready to take off of work. Hope everyone had a great Father's day with their dads and husbands!

31 weeks

2009-06-15T06:52:00.000-07:00

I'm 31 weeks today and in a bit better spirits than the last time I posted. Had a rather uneventful weekend, even though my husband and I should be getting things finished for this little one's big debut. But we all know, after working all week long, who wants to spend the weekends working at home? We are such huge procrastinators when it comes to getting things around the house done, hence why we're still working on our remodel a year later. I know we still have nine weeks left until I'm due, but I feel like we have so much yet to get done. I would like to get our hospital bags packed, the diaper bag packed, scrub my house from head to toe, and completely finish the nursery, just to name a few. I would like these things done in the next few weeks to allot for any "unforeseen" occurrences, such as early labor or bed rest. I'm sure these things probably won't happen but you never know and I like to be prepared. So, we'll see if we can kick our butts into gear in the next few weeks and get my list of to-do's finished. On the pregnancy front, I'm still so very swollen but feeling fine other than that. I'm feeling her kicks and punches much more prominent now and for as much as she moves around in there, I swear she's going to be a gymnast. I'm loving it. Every time I feel her move, it gives me reassurance that she's doing ok in there.

Grouchy

2009-06-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

I am so incredibly grouchy today. These hormones are in full force today, let me tell you. I don't know what my problem is. I bit my poor husband's face off earlier for no apparent reason. Well, I guess I was gonna be this way some time during my pregnancy, haven't really been yet, but today's a good a day as any. Had my 30 week appointment on Tuesday and everything's still looking good. I only gained four pounds in two weeks instead of six like I did last time. Still more than I would have liked, but whatever. I'm swollen bigger than a balloon at the Macy's Day Parade but my blood pressure is fine so no worries there. I'm hoping I lose twenty pounds alone in just water weight. Hey, a girl can dream can't she? Our last look at this little chica will be in two weeks for a 32 week ultrasound. After that, we'll just have to wait until she comes out, the doctor doesn't plan on doing anymore. I guess after this ultrasound I will have had seven total which is way more than most women get so I shouldn't complain. Well, ladies, I hope tomorrow is a better day. Have a great weekend!

28 weeks, 1 day

2009-05-26T14:58:00.000-07:00

Had our 28 week appointment today which included the glucose tolerance test and I have to say that that sugary drink I've heard so much about wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was so scared I wasn't going to be able to gulp it down in the five minutes they give you to do so, but I got it down within a minute like a champ. The last couple drinks were getting pretty disgusting but it was over before I knew it. Checked the heartbeat and it was 148. Everything's looking good. There was some protein in my urine from the swelling but my blood pressure was just fine so the doc was none too concerned. Oh and then he proceeded to tell me that I'm chubby. He looked at me and said, "Um, you know you've gained 12 pounds since your last appointment?". And I said, "Are you sure?" and he said, "Well, unless there's a different way of doing math, then yes, I'm sure." 12 pounds!!!! 12 pounds!!! Ridiculous. Wait, let's talk about that some more, that's 12 pounds in 4 1/2 weeks. Wow. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now I suppose. That makes 28 pounds total. Well, enough of the weight talk. We are now up to 2 week appointments. The end is getting closer and closer. It will be here before we know it.

Stretch Marks and Swollen Ankles

2009-05-24T10:51:00.000-07:00

I just typed a whole post and somehow erased the whole thing and I'm completed irritated about it. So, here we go again, but it's gonna be a condensed version. The first pic, I think I'm 24 weeks, can't remember when I took it. The next is a pretty crappy picture of my swollen ankles, they're much worse in real life I swear. Tomorrow marks the third trimester! 28 weeks down, only 12 more to go. I feel like we have so much left to do and we're running out of time to do it. We have to get our house completely finished from the remodel we did last summer because I can guarantee we're not going to want to do it when the baby finally comes. We just have a little trim left to do and a couple of walls that need painted but I would swear we had a whole house to do given the amount of time we're taking to finish it. We also need to scrub the house top to bottom. We're a little late on the spring cleaning. I have some new found energy but by the time I get home from work everything below my knees is so swollen I swear my skin's just going to burst open. So, I find myself coming home and just propping up my feet to get the swelling down. We have our 28 week appointment on Tuesday so I'll ask the doctor about all the swelling but I'm sure he'll just tell me to keep doing what I'm doing. As long as my blood pressure's fine, I'm sure everything will be okay. I have some shopping to do so I'll post again after our appointment. Hope everyone has a nice holiday!

27 weeks

2009-05-18T13:43:00.001-07:00

I'm almost into the third trimester and I can't believe how fast the time seems to be going. My stomach seems to be growing bigger and bigger everyday. I think I'm going to have to buy more maternity clothes because the ones I already got are getting a little tight. I haven't taken any belly pics lately and I need to. I no longer have ankles because they are swelling so bad. They look a little bit ridiculous. This pregnancy, believe it or not, still hasn't quite sunk in with me. It's still so hard for me to believe that we are going to have a baby in just thirteen weeks. We have literally bought almost every thing that we need to get started. Bottles, diapers, wipes, carseat, you name it, we pretty much got it. It's too hard to stop myself when I start shopping. I have my 28 week appointment next Tuesday. I am not looking forward to slurping down that extremely sugary drink, but you do what you gotta do. Well, I have to go now. Got to talk my husband into getting me a banana split. Sounds so yummy right now. ;)

Movement - 25 weeks

2009-05-04T05:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my husband finally felt Ms. Randi Lyrae kicking. I've been able to see her kicks and punches now on the outside for about a week but my husband could never see it when I tried to show him. Back to the name, Randi Lyrae is what we will be naming our baby girl. Randy is my dad's name and Lyrae is my middle name. We knew, boy or girl that the first name was going to be Randy, just spelled a little differently if it was a girl. I have such a special connection with my dad and I really wanted to be able to honor him in as big of a way as I know possible. I've gained up to just about 20 pounds already and the weight just keeps coming on. I really really really hope I can lose most of it afterwards, but it's doubtful. My metabolism just isn't what it used to be, or I'm just stuffing my face more than I used to. ;) I have just fifteen weeks left to go. A little less then four months left!!! Cannot believe how fast time is flying by! We keep buying more and more stuff for this little one that she almost has everything she needs already. We've had to save some items for the baby shower though which will be after the baby is born. Well, I hope everyone had a good weekend!

It's definitely a...

2009-04-23T12:00:00.000-07:00

Girl! Okay, not a huge surprise considering we already had a pretty good idea of the gender from our last ultrasound. But it's definitely a sweet little girl! And let me tell you, I do not know how these little babies fit in our bellies?!? She was so scrunched up and I just wonder how that could be comfortable? She weighs 1.6 ounces and her heartrate was 147. Everything looks perfect and we couldn't be happier. My husband and I bought two little summer outfits for this little chica today. We're quite excited. Once he uploads the ultrasound pics to the computer I'll post those too. The pictures this time weren't as good as our last ones because, well, as she gets bigger it's harder and harder to get good pics because there's just no room in there. I have so many pics to post, one of these days I'll get to it. My next appointment I'll be 28 weeks and they'll do the glucose testing then. I can't believe I've come this far already. Next thing I know, I'll be holding this sweet little girl in my arms! We're just overjoyed.

21 weeks 1 day

2009-04-07T15:20:00.000-07:00

Here I am, 21 weeks and 1 day along. It's not the best pic, my husband took it. ;) It may not look that big, but trust me, it's there and I feel gigantic. Not much going on, which is always a good thing. Sleeping is so uncomfortable and breathing has proved to be a huge task. Other than that, it's not too bad. I'm counting down the days till this little one decides to make her appearance. Can't wait!

Almost halfway there

2009-03-27T15:37:00.000-07:00

Had another ob appointment yesterday. All is well. I have gained, what I believe to be a disgusting amount of weight, but my doc didn't even mention it so it must not be that bad. The heartrate was 144 which I thought was kind of slow but they were none concerned so therefore, neither am I. We have another appointment in 4 weeks where they will do an ultrasound. I thought from my last appointment that we would have one in a couple of weeks but I'm really not worried so I'll wait as instructed. I can't believe I'm almost 20 weeks already. It's still so unbelievable. Incredible and unbelievable.

M.I.A.

2009-03-19T08:52:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I've been a little out of the loop lately. I still read all your blogs every day though. ;) I really don't have much to report which, no news is good new, right? Well, my belly is expanding although I still find it hard to notice. I'm in full-blown maternity pants, no shirts yet, just pants. I did, however, order some maternity shirts from Old.Navy and got some good deals on them. It is my goal not to look frumpy and dishevled while preggers, let's see if I can accomplish that. I swear I'm already having trouble breathing, my ribs feel like they're going to collapse at any second. Don't know if this is normal so early in the pregnancy but I'm sure stuff is just shifting all around in there. I check on the little gal from time to time and her heartbeat's still nice and strong. We bought and assembled a crib last weekend and I've got to tell you, the whole thing is just surreal. I cannot, cannot believe that we've come to this point in our lives finally. The whole reality that, God willing, I will be bringing home a healthy beautiful baby in just five months still has not sunk in. It feels like I'm living someone else's life because it was just a short while ago that I truly thought we would never have children of our own. I don't think it's fully going to sink in until we're in the delivery room. I haven't been as nauseated which is nice, but I find myself terribly irritable all the time. Oh, sweet hormones, what would we do without them?

So, it's a.....

2009-02-26T07:44:00.001-08:00

Girl! Or so was their educated guess at this point. It's still a little early to tell, I'm only 15 weeks and 3 days so they can't say for sure right now, but there definitely wasn't anything between those long legs of hers! The ultrasound tech let us watch our little one moving and squirming all over the place for almost a half an hour. It was such an amazing thing. I've never made it to this point in a pregnancy and it's just indescribable. All her measurements were right on track and everything looked great. We have another appointment in four weeks and an ultrasound to follow a couple weeks after that. We opted out of doing the testing for down syndrome and spina bifida because those tests give a lot of false positives and I don't want any unnecessary worries at this point. I've worried enough and don't want to add anything to the mix. I know this baby will be healthy and beautiful when she makes her appearance into this world. It's been a tough road, but we're almost half way there!

15 weeks

2009-02-23T09:36:00.000-08:00

I don't really have much to post about. I'm 15 weeks today and am awaiting our appointment on Thursday. It seems like forever since we've had an ultrasound, really only five weeks, but it seems like a lifetime. Still no belly really, pants are sometimes tighter, but I think that's just bloat most of the time. On another note, a close friend of mine asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, of course I said yes. But, the wedding is Sept 12th, I'm due August 19th, I'm still gonna look all preggers when the wedding rolls around. But I figure, if she doesn't mind then I don't mind. Maybe all the weight will come off right away???? Not likely, I don't think I'll be one of those women who can fit back into their regular jeans a week after delivery. You never know. So, I think we're going to find out the gender. I didn't really want to but I don't think I can stop myself from asking. They just might be able to tell at this appointment. Either way, it obviously doesn't matter, I'm just chomping at the bit to buy all these cute clothes I've always walked right past before. Well, until Thursday...

Back to See the Nurse

2009-02-11T06:19:00.000-08:00

Well, yesterday I had such terrible lower back pain and I called the nurse at my doc's office and she said to come in b/c they wanted to make sure it wasn't a UTI or anything of that nature. As I was waiting in really terrible pain for the results from the urine test she let me listen to the heartbeat again. 164 and he/she was just moving all around. Well, the test came back and no infection just really dehydrated and I was sent home. They said I could take some tylenol and apply a low heat for just a few minutes every hour. So nothing too eventful, just some aches and pains as to be expected. I really think it's my sleeping habits. Before pregnancy I always slept on my stomach, now I'm afraid I'm going to squish the baby so side sleeping it is. And as I've read, it's best to sleep on your left side so I try to sleep on that side the most. Doesn't always work out that way, but I try. Last night I wedged a pillow on each side of me and that seemed to help. Pretty soon I'm going to have to kick my husband out of the bed, because I'm even more comfortable when I have room to spread out. Thank goodness we have extra rooms! :)

2nd Trimester

2009-02-09T04:36:00.000-08:00

Welcome Second Trimester! That's right, 13 weeks today. I can't believe it. Well, let's talk about what the books say about the second trimester. They say by this time you will have renewed energy, that morning sickness basically diminishes and that pretty much all the rest of your pregnancy symptoms go pretty much unnoticeable. That's a generalization categorizing every women into the same group. But as we all know, we're not the same. I am still plagued with pretty much debilitating nausea, although, I have gotten moments throughout the day now where it subsides. It's still very much real though and very much kicks my butt. That's really my only qualm, but it's a big one. I'm not very tired anymore, although mid-day naps are never unwelcomed, my breasts aren't sore, and oh yeah, I still have to pee pretty much every hour, day or night. I do have more energy than I have been having and that's nice, hoping I get more and more each day. Now back to this nagging nausea, when I stopped in to my doctor's office last Friday I asked about taking some nausea medicine as needed. My specialist denied me this such medicine but my OB says it's perfectly safe to take. We believe the specialist advised me not to take it so that if we miscarried that we could rule out the fact the the nausea medicine had absolutely nothing to do with it. Now that I'm out of the first trimester, if needed, (which it is) I can take the medicine should I so desire. Well, I had a lot of errands to run this Saturday and felt so pukey I almost didn't do them, so I took a pill. It really didn't help much and only resulted in a headache. So whether I'll be taking this medication is really up in the air, I guess if it doesn't help much then why take it?
On to bigger and better things. I rented a doppler online and haven't been able to locate the heartbeat with it until yesterday. I found it immediately upon turning the machine on and it was as strong and beautiful as it has been. I still really have no belly to speak of, although my jeans are feeling rather snug around the mid-section and I find that if I leave them unbuttoned that I'm much more comfortable. Our next ultrasound is in three weeks and I can't wait. By that time it will have been six weeks since we last saw this little bean.

Thankful

2009-02-06T13:30:00.000-08:00

I stopped by my doctor's office today to see the nurse and see if she would use the doppler today so I could listen to the heartbeat. The nurse is so, so sweet. Right away, she led me back, no questions asked and a minute later we were listening to this little one's sweet heart beat. Still 160's and still music to my ears. I really wasn't concerned anything was wrong, but just wanted some more reassurance. I'm going to try and refrain from going back until my next appointment in three weeks, but I can't make any promises. ;) I think we're getting to the point in the pregnancy where I can start to relax.
I am so thankful for the blessings we've been given. Though I am pregnant, I do not forget where I have been and what I have been through to get to this point. I still consider myself part of the Infertile World and will probably still feel the that way until we take this baby home. You never forget, the pain never goes away, it just starts to hurt a little less. My heart still aches for each and every one of you who is still struggling. I hope that reading stories of encouragement helps you to keep fighting for what we all so desperately want, I know it did for me.

I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me. - Philip. 4:13

Can I just say....

2009-01-29T14:19:00.000-08:00

That I hate pap smears!!! They are so completely uncomfortable and I'm bleeding now from it and even though I know where that blood is coming from it still makes me worry. Yes, I'm crazy I know. I've always cramped bad too when I get a pap and today was no different. Oh well, gotta do what you got to do. This was my second OB today and aside from the uncomfortable exam, everything looked good. We listened to the heartbeat and it was 160 something. He just took a guess apparently. As long as it's there and it's strong, the rate doesn't really matter. I keep saying this but I'm getting less and less worried with each visit. We have another appointment in four weeks and they're going to do an ultrasound then. They normally wouldn't but I think he's appeasing me. I thought we'd be going back every two weeks as the nurse said last visit but we really don't have anything wrong with us so every two weeks is a little much I suppose. The first trimester is almost coming to a close. I never thought I'd make it this far but I have and I'm overwhelmed with happiness. Never give up.

1st OB

2009-01-23T13:02:00.001-08:00

Well, kind of our first OB appointment. It was just the nurse's appointment where they go over what to expect in the next coming months. I've seen the nurse before and everyone there has always been really nice to us and very sensitive to our situation. She did the doppler for me today and we heard the beautiful heartbeat, 174. Couldn't be better, helped ease my worries for one more day. We have another appointment with an actual doctor on Thursday where they'll do a pap and all the rest of the good stuff. They drew blood for my OB panel and took a urine analysis for protein and they're testing my progesterone again to make sure I can stop the supplements. The nurse said the doc would probably want to see me every two weeks the duration of my pregnancy just because of all the trouble we've had previously. I won't mind going, keeping a close eye on things makes me feel that much better. We've been so blessed so far and I pray the blessings keep coming. Thinking of all of you too!

Every Day

2009-01-21T09:30:00.000-08:00

Let me preface this post that what you are about to read is in absolutely no way a complaint. I feel that I must share what I'm going through not just emotionally as I have been, but physically. Since about 6 1/2 weeks I have been completely nauseated. This nausea doesn't come just in the morning as many people like to refer to it, but it's an all day, can't get a minute of relief, nausea. I have not yet thrown up but I feel it is fast approaching. I gag repeatedly throughout the day, either from certain smells, when I blow my nose, when I got to the bathroom, after I take my pills, when my husband's cooking dinner, gag, gag, gag. I am one of those people who refuse to puke no matter what. If I'd just get it done and over with I just might feel a little better perhaps. When we found out we were pregnant I was drinking at least 64 ounces of liquids a day and now I find it hard to slurp down 40. I don't eat much, the typical staples to "curing" nausea such as crackers, ginger ale and the like, do not work in the least bit. I even bought those Preggie Pops that are supposed to help and sure enough, they don't. I have even worn those motion sickness bracelets that are supposed to work by use of pressure points and guess what, those don't work either. I so want my belly to be growing and my pants to no longer fit but that hasn't happened just yet, I swear my belly's getting rounder but it's probably all in my head. My boobs aren't as sore but as one thing goes away another one comes, constipation. I am truly uncomfortable when I sleep. I find it so easy to fall asleep as soon as I get home from work for a nap but when it's time to turn in for the night all I do is toss and turn (thought the restless sleep came later?). My husband has been so wonderful through everything. He has taken care of all the household duties, dishes, laundry, cleaning, the trash (that's always been his), grocery shopping and anything else that needs done he does. I am undeniably, certifiably, blissfully miserable and honest to God, I couldn't be happier. I say a prayer Every Day that this little one, just months from now, will make it in my arms. And if he/she so feels the need to make it's mom to be completely and utterly sick the rest of my pregnancy then so it will be. I'll take this baby any way I can get her, sick or not sick.

So happy

2009-01-19T08:36:00.000-08:00

Our ultrasound today went off without a hitch. Everything was perfect. The heartbeat, the size, everything. We saw so much movement, I swear, it was doing jumping jacks in there. It was absolutely the neatest thing I have ever seen. It now has fingers and toes and just looks beautiful. I cannot even begin to tell you how nervous I have been lately. With each ultrasound my worries cease little by little. I am so very grateful that these past few weeks have brought us nothing but joy and good news. I did not want to leave my RE's office. They have been so great through this whole process and I would love for them to be a part of the end result. This is all almost too good to be true, but I am taking it as it comes. I am so happy, still concerned as I believe anyone in our shoes would be, but so very happy. It's so overwhelming to think that after such a very long hard road that our prayers are finally going to be answered. I pray that the good news keeps coming and I continue to pray for all of you too. Thanks for the support as always.

Anxiously Awaiting

2009-01-18T15:01:00.000-08:00

Our last appointment with the RE before he releases us to the OB is tomorrow morning. It has been eleven days since our last ultrasound and it's been so hard waiting to go back. Every little thing that goes on in my body freaks me out and makes me think that there is something wrong. I've still been feeling sick but for the past couple of days I haven't been feeling as sick. And my stomach keeps mildly cramping for just a couple minutes at a time, which I read, is just the muscles in the uterus stretching but my mind wanders and makes me think if it could possibly be something else. I guess my worries will never cease until the delivery and then I'll find something else to worry about I suppose. I am such a Negative Nancy at times but the road of infertility has left me shattered and my confidence broken. I have been praying really, really, really hard that tomorrow at the ultrasound that we will see the little one's heart just beating away. I'm just really nervous. Say your prayers for us.

A sigh of relief

2009-01-08T08:19:00.000-08:00

I am currently 8 weeks and 3 days along. We had an ultrasound today and the heartbeat is still going strong. We have made it passed the 8 week hump that we could never seem to get past. I breathed a huge sigh of relief once I saw the little heart thumping away. We even got to see some movement, it was moving around it's little nub of an arm. I am more confident that this pregnancy is going to make it. We are, by far, not out of the woods, but well on our way. We have one more appointment with the RE before he releases us to the OB on the 19th. I'm going to be chomping at the bit until then, but this appointment has helped to ease my mind because through five pregnancies previous, we have never made it past eight weeks. Keep the prayers and well wishes coming. Your support has made this process a little easier to go through. Thank you.

No More Hormones

2009-01-05T12:53:00.001-08:00

My doctor's office called me with the results of my last beta that I had done on Friday and the nurse said the my RE did not want me testing anymore. I asked if it was because my hcg levels could go down on their because between 8-12 weeks the placenta will start to take over. And she said, no, it's because these numbers won't tell us anything anymore. So, I simply said, okay, I won't get tested anymore. I know the numbers don't really say much as this point, but the fact that they go up means that the fetus is still alive. But whatever, the doc says don't do it so I should respect his decision and no do it. And I'm going to. I guess if the last miscarriage we had at eight weeks wasn't detected until my hormone levels dropped than it wouldn't mean so much to me to get my levels tested. We do have an appointment on Thursday and that will tell us a lot more anyway. I just need to realize that if this pregnancy is going to end as the others have in the past, that there's nothing that I can do about it and to just put my faith in God and trust the doctor. After all, why are we paying this man so much if I'm not going to trust what he says? So now we wait, like we have been. I should really pray for patience because I don't possess much of it.

Visit to the ER

2009-01-03T07:48:00.000-08:00

Don't worry, nothing major. But yesterday I had some brown discharge (TMI, sorry) and I got a little worried and seeing as how both my RE and OB were out due to the holiday I had no choice but to go to the ER. They did an u/s and put my mind at ease. Everything looked fine. There was a little tear of some sort somewhere down below (didn't quite understand what the tech was telling me) but said it's completely normal. The little bambino now has formed it's head and nubs for arms and legs. I hope it keeps on growing. The heart rate has also went up to 175. I got my hcg levels tested again to, as I have been doing twice weekly, and those also went up. I'm all the way up to 90,000. And boy, can I tell they've gone up. The nausea is more than sinking but I don't care. As long as this pregnancy progresses as it's supposed, I'll feel sick every day if I have to. I'm still anxiously awaiting our ultrasound this coming Thursday. I hope I'll feel more at ease then and start to enjoy what's going on in my body and not worry every second of every day. Yeah right, I'll still worry, just not as much. ;)

7 weeks

2008-12-29T12:20:00.000-08:00

So, I had another ultrasound today and so far so good. I'm measuring at 7 weeks, there about the doc says, and the heartbeat was 130. He said that he has seen many many cases and I'm text book. Everything looks perfect and as he called it, he said that we have a "take home baby". He said he would be shocked if we miscarried. I hope he's right. We've seen this all before so I hope the fertility meds, progesterone supplements and the low dose aspirin I've been taking so diligently did the trick. I hope. I pray. Please God keep the good news coming, we've tried so hard. I just commented on someone's post and I suggested to take things just one day at a time, I really should practice what I preach huh? We have another ultrasound scheduled for next Thursday. By that time we will have passed a gigantic milestone for us. So keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

5 weeks 5 days

2008-12-22T08:09:00.001-08:00

That's how far along I am, so the doc says. We had our first ultrasound today and all is well, for now. We saw a sac and saw a heartbeat. It was way too early to actually measure the heart rate. I have another u/s scheduled for next Monday and then the Monday after that. My doc said initially that our next u/s would be two weeks from now and I kind of looked at him like, really??? And then he said, "well, if you would feel better, we can do another one next week." I took him up on that offer. I don't know why, I know that there's nothing we can do if this pregnancy decided to go belly up, but call me crazy, I feel better if I'm under as much monitoring as they will give me. There were also two rather large cysts on my left ovary as well. I don't believe the doc measured them, so they must not have been of any concern to him. I have read before that if a cyst burst while pregnant that it could cause you to miscarry. Damn Internet, I should really stop reading all this stuff. I am still not at ease about this pregnancy, we've seen a sac and seen a heartbeat what seems like so many times before. We got good news today and I am truly thankful for that. I just pray that this little heart keeps beating past the eight week hump we can never seem to jump and all the way into labor and delivery. Oh and a sweet little side note, our projected due date is my wedding anniversary, August 19th.

U/S scheduled for Monday

2008-12-19T15:24:00.000-08:00

Well, as predicted, there was a huge snow and ice storm here last night into this morning and the roads were treacherous. We did not make it to our ultrasound appointment today. I was a little disappointed but this u/s was just to determine that this pregnancy was not ectopic, which I'm positive it's not. So, they rescheduled me for this Monday and by then too we should be able to see a heartbeat. I've included a pic of what our cars looked like this morning, they were caked with ice and still are. We haven't yet got to park in our garage because we've been working on our remodel and the garage is packed full of all sorts of stuff that was once inside the house. So that sucked but hopefully we'll be able to park in there soon because winter is definitely here.

A little breathing room

2008-12-18T16:22:00.000-08:00

Well, I went and got another beta today and my numbers were 7513. I read the results and cried. Cried because I fully expected them to be bad. Cried because for a tiny little moment I felt better. I am in no way shape or form out of the woods but for the rest of this week I can rest a little easier knowing that I had a good increase in hormones. It is so hard on me to continue to get a beta twice a week but I do this because for some reason, I just can't stop doing it. Doesn't make much sense huh? I cannot change whatever the outcome of this pregnancy will be, but that doesn't stop me for obsessing over every little thing about it. I believe this happens only to us infertiles. Normal women who have had no problem conceiving or carrying a child, I believe, don't worry like we do. A smart person once said, "Worrying is like a rocking chair, it will give you something to do but it won't get you anywhere." Don't know who said it but they were so right. We have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow but we might not make it there. Were supposed to get a really bad storm tonight and we live an hour away from my RE's office. We'll see.

A little peace of mind

2008-12-16T09:05:00.000-08:00

I just spoke to the nurse at my doctor's office and she said right away that my numbers looked good and immediately I interjected and said, "Are you sure?". "Are you looking at the right numbers???". She said they almost doubled and they had a decent jump from the last beta so she said, no, she wasn't concerned. And I asked about ectopic and she said they don't see ectopic pregnancies with a high progesterone (39.6) that I had when we first tested. So, I said "ok, if you're not concerned then I'm not concerned." A complete and blaintant lie, but I do feel slightly, and I mean slightly, better. I am still preparing for the worst as I always do and I still can't help but feel that the worst is yet to come but have not completely given up all hope just yet. Almost, but not just yet. Thank you for you kind words of encouragement. It really helps me so much. It makes tough times a little easier to get through.

Keeping it together

2008-12-16T04:44:00.000-08:00

Well, I got a beta done again yesterday, it was 3090. Not a good jump from Friday's of 1694. It didn't even double. I just don't know what to think. My doctor's office doesn't open up until 9:00 so I have to wait another hour or so before I can begin stalking them. I'm on unfamiliar ground here. My beta's with our last two miscarriages that lasted eight weeks always more than doubled like they were supposed to. With the chemical pregancies none of them even made it past 1000 and with the ectopic I was in pain the whole time and new that something was happening. The beta's with that one didn't make it past 733. What the heck is happening? I'm really on the verge (?) of breaking down but I just don't know what to make of it all. I really don't think this is an ectopic because I have no pain on either side of my stomach, so hopefully that's not it. It could possibly be I suppose that there were two in there and one died or it could just mean the impending doom that I believe I'm facing yet again for the sixth time. I hope they go ahead and just order and ultrasound for today so atleast we can rule out ectopic. And I hope they order another beta even though I'm not supposed to test again until Thursday. I'm already planning my next move because if I dwell on this too long, I'll lose it. Donor eggs keep popping into my head. This sucks.

Beta at 18 dpo

2008-12-13T06:04:00.000-08:00

My beta yesterday was at a 1694. A good jump from four days previous of 349. I thought it would have went higher but it more than doubled, so again, no complaints. It's hard for me to think that this pregnancy is the one that's going to make it. I know I shouldn't be negative and that I should have positive thoughts but I had those thoughts the many times before and it never worked so I guess I can't blame myself for being so discouraged. I pray that it does stick and in eight months we get the baby we've always wanted but I am constantly plagued with feelings of defeat and discouragement. This pregnancy is slightly different from the rest so maybe, just maybe it will work. This is our first pregnancy with an RE and the help of fertility meds. I have been taking a low dose aspirin and folic acid every day for over six months now. I am taking in at least 60 or more ounces of fluids every day with this pregnancy. (which is a lot from me because usually I'm hard pressed to get 20 ounces of anything in me). And, I'm taking progesterone supplements since we found out we were preggers. I hope all of these things combined with the power of prayer do the trick.

Beta is on the Rise

2008-12-09T04:49:00.000-08:00

Got my blood drawn again yesterday and my beta is a 349 on 14 dpo. That's excellent. It went from 15 9dpo to 67 11dpo to 349 14 dpo. But alas, the rising beta's aren't my problem. But, it's a good sign so I can't complain really. Saturday my husband and I were playing on our Wii (by the way, so much fun. we got it because it's so interactive) and after a couple of hours of playing we shut it off and Deliver Me was what was on the tv channel. I don't normally watch this show and as we were about to turn it there was a woman on there who said, "well, the sixth time was the charm." That was the title of my last post. So as I'm watching they went through her history and get this, she has had five previous losses which include one ectopic pregnancy. Umm, is this a sign because if I didn't know any better I would have thought that was my history on the tv screen they were talking about. Well, that episode actually gave me some encouragement, to never lose hope. We have a 26 day ultrasound scheduled for the 19th. I hope these weeks fly and take me effortlessly through the first trimester.

Sixth time the charm???

2008-12-05T15:08:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm pregnant. Call me crazy, but I've been taking a cheap dollar store pregnancy test since we triggered on the 22nd simply to watch the pregnancy line go from darker to lighter as the hormones from the shot escaped my system. The line was completely gone for one day and then the came back and proceeded to get darker the next days that I took them. I took all these tests because if, in fact, we did get pregnant this cycle I wanted to make sure that when I took a HPT that it was because I was actually pregnant and not leftover hormones. I called my doctor's office 9dpo and requested a beta. They didn't have me scheduled for one until this Monday the 7th but they let me test anyway. My beta was a 15 and progesterone 39.6. It still didn't sink in and we tested again today. Beta was a 67 at 11dpo. It quadrupled. We are still scheduled to get another beta on Monday. Let me recap on our journey thus far.

2002 - Ectopic pregnancy (my first struggle, only a glimpse of the future to come). Laproscopy with D&C.

August 2006 - Got married to my wonderful husband

November 2006 - Went off BCP

January 2007 - started TTC

February 2007 - BFP

March 2007 - Miscarriage at 8 weeks. Had several ultrasounds and beta tests before hand and saw a hearbeat and had good beta numbers the whole way. I was so very sick the whole short-lived pregnancy. I was throwing up at least three times a day and never once considered miscarriage as a possibility. Boy was I wrong. Had a D&C and was told to start trying again in three months.

August 2007 - BFP. First Beta 150. 2nd Beta two days later 233. Not a good sign. Ultrasound shows nothing, next beta numbers drop. Chemical pregnancy.

October 2007 - Had an HSG. Everything looks normal even my right tube where the ectopic occured. (and just a little side note, that whole procedure for me was excrutiatingly painful, thank goodness we only had to do it once).

January 2008 - BFP again. Had beta's done every Tuesday and Thursday since we found out. Numbers rose beautifully. At six weeks had an ultrasound and showed a heartbeat. Is history repeating itself??? Continued to have betas twice weekly. At the eigth week the numbers decreased. Ultrasound detects no heartbeat. Really??? Again??? Had yet another D&C. Heartbroken and discouraged we waited a few cycles and tried again.

March 2008 - Had a gigantic work up for every blood and chromosomal disorder under the sun and everything comes back normal.

May 2008 - Meet with RE. Says we just have bad luck and instructs me to begin taking a low dose aspirin and folic acid every day. I already started the aspirin, sometimes I think I should have been a doctor.

August 2008 - BFP, yes, again. First beta 26, second beta 24. Chemical Pregnancy.

August 2008 - RE says we're not doing this on our own again. He's going to give us some help.

September 2008 - Started first cycle of stims. BFN

October 2008 - Cancelled cycle due to cysts.

November 2008 - Took stims again. IUI on November 24th.

December 2008 - Pregnant.

So as I sit here typing, truly pregnant, I am overwhelmed with sadness. This should be a happy time right? I have learned to not let myself get excited because with every pregnancy has come heartache but we just can't give up. Five times I have been pregnant before and five times I have been left empty and broken. Please do not misunderstand me, I am not sad that I am pregnant, I am sad to what this pregnancy might lead to, another failed attempt to make me whole. So, please do not just yet congratulate me, but pray for me and my husband to carry this little one to term.

I will update more on Monday after our third beta. Thank you all so much for your support. Just knowing that you read my blogs gives me so much encouragement. Pray. Pray. Pray.

IUI and 2ww

2008-11-25T16:46:00.000-08:00

Well, we had our IUI on Monday and now we're on to the two weeks wait. I have got to say that the IUI was a complete waste of time, but I hope it works. We got an IUI because the semen analysis my husband had a while back was low so the doc said an IUI would help our chances a little bit more than, you know, doing things the old fashioned way. Well, before the IUI the doc read us our results from the sample my husband not so graciously gave them, and it was off the charts! His results we so good the doc said that it wasn't necessary that we get the insemination but seeing as how I was already on the table half undressed and feet in stirrups, we went ahead with the appointment anyway. This doc was not my usual RE so it was nice to hear another opinion about our situation. He basically said the same thing my RE said, but emphasized that he believes it's the quality of my eggs that's holding us back from carrying a child to term. So he said, if this doesn't work this time, we're gonna overload me on the stims and get a good three to four eggs out of me. The last two cycles I've only have one good egg. One!?! Really?!? All those meds and I come out no better than I would on my own. And whilst searching the internet as I so frequently do, I read that a high protein diet helps eggs grow better. So, not only will we increase the stims next time but I will be loading up on anything that's high in protein. Hey, whatever works right?

Finally Cycle #2 is Underway!!!!

2008-11-14T14:38:00.000-08:00

Had and ultrasound today and it showed no cysts! Thank the Lord!!! I was so concerned that those little slimeballs were still going to be there, but they weren't. Instead they were replaced with three nice looking follicles. So tonight we get to start the shots again. I never thought I would be happy to get stuck with a needle, but hey, the older I get and the more intertwined we are with this infertility stuff, happiness has a whole new meaning. I go to the doc on Wednesday to see if the stims are working as they should and we'll go from there. We're going to get an IUI this time, husband's not so happy about that but whether he's happy or not, we're getting it done. He gets a little, well, let's say gun shy, with things like that. I have a better outlook on this cycle. I'm hoping the doctor lets me go a little longer before we take the trigger shot. The more mature those eggs get the better right???

BFN

2008-11-04T05:34:00.000-08:00

So, my husband and I tried this month on our own as instructed and given our past history, I thought for sure we'd get pregnant this time. Well, my boobs got really sore and I was pretty tired so I decided to call my dr.'s office and request that I get my beta tested. Yep, BFN. Really??? You know, it all makes sense. Every time I think I am, I'm not, every time I think I'm not I am. I should have known. Silly me. Guess we'll try again next time. Hopefully those ridiculous cysts have disappeared and we can get more stims. We'll see.

Cysts, really???

2008-10-20T08:39:00.000-07:00

Well, I didn't expect this one and I don't know why not, but I had an ultrasound done on Friday of last week to get a baseline for my follicle size and how many and all that good jazz and instead of finding follicles they found three large cysts. Two on the right and one on the left. This did not even cross my mind that cysts are a huge possibility, especially when taking stimulants. So, be that as it may, I have to sit this cycle out, however, the nurse said to "try" on our own because I have residual medicine left in my system. So, I guess we'll try but I don't know what good it's going to do. I need stronger eggs and can't get that without the meds so I don't know why we're going to try this month but I guess we are. It all goes back to praying that God let's the next pregnancy to come make it full term. Please God, please. My nerves are frazzled and my heart keeps breaking into a million pieces. I can't take much more.

On to cycle #2

2008-10-16T14:22:00.000-07:00

Well, the first rounds of meds didn't work. The evil wench known as Aunt Flo came right on schedule and completely, excuse my french, pissed me off for the whole day. I was so angry and sad all together. It was a terrible day. I really have to say I was completely shocked that it came because I thought we would have got pregnant on our first try. What the heck??? Did I really think it was going to work like that? Apparently so. Well now on to cycle number two. I have an ultrasound tomorrow and start the meds again that day too. Also I asked my doc about testing the level of my natural killer cells? anyone heard of them? apparently not so common because my doctor didn't know what I was talking about. Either way, I hope he does some research and orders the test. I'm just grabbing at straws probably but it never hurts to try. Well, here we go again, I thought i was ready for the long haul through all this but with every blow it just knocks me down again.

2 days past trigger shot

2008-10-04T14:10:00.000-07:00

So, my boobs are hurting from the trigger shot that I got the other day and have had some pretty decent cramps due to the impending ovulation I'm sure, other than that, can't complain. I've decided to take an inexpensive pregnancy test each day so I can notice the decline in the pregnancy hormone, that way, if I do become pregnant this month, I'll know and not just think that it's the hormone left in me from the trigger shot. Crazy, a little, but I think you become a little crazy when you deal with all this infertility stuff. I tell you, if I could draw my own blood and have my own medical lab, I'd be running all sorts of tests all the time. Maybe I missed my calling???

Trigger Shot

2008-10-03T06:16:00.000-07:00

Well, got my trigger shot yesterday and took an ovulation test and sure enough, it shows that i'm ovulating, (well I will sometime in the next 36 - 48 hours, so says the test). As ovulation has not been an issue with us, I'm sure that these eggs that I've been so diligently growing will release soon enough. Now whether we can fertilize these eggs is another story. The shot wasn't too bad, I was very concerned because I had heard that it hurt to get by many people, but I guess everyone's different. And really, was I that concerned about it hurting??? If I really was than I shouldn't have been because I've been proked and prodded so much that a little needle isn't going to break me. I guess now all we have to do is wait and see if our efforts have worked and if we are able to get pregnant this month. I'm trying not to get my hopes up because the likelihood of this process working on the first try is slim, but what else do I have to look forward to? Although, given our past history without medical help, it's only taken us two months of trying each pregnancy that I've had, so maybe, just maybe, this one will take.

CD9

2008-10-01T15:35:00.000-07:00

This is the second time I have stumbled on this site and I have found myself unable to stop reading. It comforts me to know that many, many people struggle with infertility and that my husband and I are not the only ones. I not only feel comforted by reading these very real experiences that you all have been through, but I feel so completely sad too. I struggle every day with feelings of impending doom that I may never carry a child to term and that my husband and I will not be able to experience the joy and bliss of parenthood one day. The road to happiness is sure a rocky one and I hope and pray that God soon paves our way on this rocky road and blesses and our lives with a sweet baby.

Let me fill you in on our past two years of trials and tribulations. Well, first let me date back to six years ago when I got pregnant for the first time. I was in a somewhat stable relationship and found myself one month with such an overwhelming feeling that I was pregnant, (couldn't have been the extrememly sore boobs or the completely non-existent appetite). So, I took a HPT and sure enough, my supsicions were confirmed, pregnant. As this was not planned, I was, well let's say, not overly excited. The scaredness the anxiousness that I felt came and went as quickly as it happened. I found myself spotting and having severe stomach pains and wound up in the emergency room getting prepped for surgery to remove the ectopic pregnancy I was enduring. (yes, it is painful). This first pregnancy for me was a true testament that God is completely in control of our lives and truly does give us blessings in disguise. Even though the pregnancy was short-lived I was still saddened by the outcome. But if it weren't for the "blessing" that God gave to me that year, I wouldn't be where or who I am today without it.

I got married four years after that to, I swear, the best man I could have ever dreamed of. After all our newlywed bliss, we were quick to ditch the birth control and get started growing our family. Little did we know this would be, and still is a long and difficult road. We got pregnant just 2 months after trying and were so very excited. That month I didn't have the feeling of being pregnant but distinctly remember being super emotional. I was on my way home from work the day we found out and BOOM!, a teenage kid, backing out of his driveway, hit the side of my car sending me flying and landing in his yard. I was sobbing like a maniac, as it was the first time I had ever been in any kind of accident. I went to the hospital just to make sure I wasn't injured and they were getting ready to do an x-ray and asked if there was any chance that I might be pregnant, and I said "well, I guess so but I'm pretty sure I'm not." Well, I was way off on this one because I definitely was pregnant! I stayed the night in the hospital and got two ultrasounds the short time I was there and it was confirmed, I had a small sac implanted in my uterus. Everything looked perfect and we were more than excited. Once you have an ectopic pregnancy the chance of that re-occuring is high, so once the doc confirmed that it wasn't happening again, I had no reason not to get excited. Miscarriage had not even crossed my mind and I thought the next eight months were going to be smooth sailing except for the terrible all day sickness I was experiencing. Wrong. Exactly on the eighth week of my pregnancy we got an ultrasound confirming that there was no longer a heartbeat to the fetus that we were trying so hard to grow in my belly. I was dumbfounded. Completely heartbroken and dumbfounded. This started my quest to learning as much as I could about miscarriages and the treatment (if any for them).

After we picked up the pieces of our hearts we tried again and again and again. I had another miscarriage at four weeks several months after the first, then another miscarriage at eight weeks another several months after the second and then yet, another miscarriage just one month ago at four weeks. I have experienced more pregnancies in the last year than some women get to in there whole child-bearing years. The two times the pregnancy made it to the eight week mark we saw and heard very strong heartbeats each time, so even though in all my research when it says that "after a hearbeat is detected, the risk for miscarriage it significantly lowered", it truly doesn't mean that miscarriage can't and won't happen. After this last miscarriage I simply said, "THAT'S IT!". I can't do this anymore. I have had 5 pregnancies total, one ectopic and four miscarriages, two resulting in a D&C and one with laproscopy. We consulted with a RE and after a complete battery of tests on both my husband and I, we have found NOTHING. My RE decided to start me on hormone therapy in the hopes that perhaps by eggs weren't strong enough to sustain a pregnancy that he could help me to grow some super strong ones. That's where we are today, awaiting pregnancy #6. After reading all of these blogs I really don't know what's worse, not being able to get pregnant at all, or being able to get pregnant but not able to carry the pregnancy. Either way, it is the most gut-wrenching, awful experience that we as women should not have to ever have to go through and no matter how much a person can sympathize with you, unless they have walked a mile in your shoes and have experienced everything down to the last bitter detail that you have, they will never truly know how utterly devasting the path of infertility is. So, to every women experiencing fertility, explained or unexplained, there is nothing we can do but pray to the good Lord that he answers our prayers and grants us the sheer joy and pleasure of becoming parents.

Stay tuned, I'll keep you posted on our progress.