Can I just say....

That I hate pap smears!!! They are so completely uncomfortable and I'm bleeding now from it and even though I know where that blood is coming from it still makes me worry. Yes, I'm crazy I know. I've always cramped bad too when I get a pap and today was no different. Oh well, gotta do what you got to do. This was my second OB today and aside from the uncomfortable exam, everything looked good. We listened to the heartbeat and it was 160 something. He just took a guess apparently. As long as it's there and it's strong, the rate doesn't really matter. I keep saying this but I'm getting less and less worried with each visit. We have another appointment in four weeks and they're going to do an ultrasound then. They normally wouldn't but I think he's appeasing me. I thought we'd be going back every two weeks as the nurse said last visit but we really don't have anything wrong with us so every two weeks is a little much I suppose. The first trimester is almost coming to a close. I never thought I'd make it this far but I have and I'm overwhelmed with happiness. Never give up.

1st OB

Well, kind of our first OB appointment. It was just the nurse's appointment where they go over what to expect in the next coming months. I've seen the nurse before and everyone there has always been really nice to us and very sensitive to our situation. She did the doppler for me today and we heard the beautiful heartbeat, 174. Couldn't be better, helped ease my worries for one more day. We have another appointment with an actual doctor on Thursday where they'll do a pap and all the rest of the good stuff. They drew blood for my OB panel and took a urine analysis for protein and they're testing my progesterone again to make sure I can stop the supplements. The nurse said the doc would probably want to see me every two weeks the duration of my pregnancy just because of all the trouble we've had previously. I won't mind going, keeping a close eye on things makes me feel that much better. We've been so blessed so far and I pray the blessings keep coming. Thinking of all of you too!

Every Day

Let me preface this post that what you are about to read is in absolutely no way a complaint. I feel that I must share what I'm going through not just emotionally as I have been, but physically. Since about 6 1/2 weeks I have been completely nauseated. This nausea doesn't come just in the morning as many people like to refer to it, but it's an all day, can't get a minute of relief, nausea. I have not yet thrown up but I feel it is fast approaching. I gag repeatedly throughout the day, either from certain smells, when I blow my nose, when I got to the bathroom, after I take my pills, when my husband's cooking dinner, gag, gag, gag. I am one of those people who refuse to puke no matter what. If I'd just get it done and over with I just might feel a little better perhaps. When we found out we were pregnant I was drinking at least 64 ounces of liquids a day and now I find it hard to slurp down 40. I don't eat much, the typical staples to "curing" nausea such as crackers, ginger ale and the like, do not work in the least bit. I even bought those Preggie Pops that are supposed to help and sure enough, they don't. I have even worn those motion sickness bracelets that are supposed to work by use of pressure points and guess what, those don't work either. I so want my belly to be growing and my pants to no longer fit but that hasn't happened just yet, I swear my belly's getting rounder but it's probably all in my head. My boobs aren't as sore but as one thing goes away another one comes, constipation. I am truly uncomfortable when I sleep. I find it so easy to fall asleep as soon as I get home from work for a nap but when it's time to turn in for the night all I do is toss and turn (thought the restless sleep came later?). My husband has been so wonderful through everything. He has taken care of all the household duties, dishes, laundry, cleaning, the trash (that's always been his), grocery shopping and anything else that needs done he does. I am undeniably, certifiably, blissfully miserable and honest to God, I couldn't be happier. I say a prayer Every Day that this little one, just months from now, will make it in my arms. And if he/she so feels the need to make it's mom to be completely and utterly sick the rest of my pregnancy then so it will be. I'll take this baby any way I can get her, sick or not sick.

So happy

Our ultrasound today went off without a hitch. Everything was perfect. The heartbeat, the size, everything. We saw so much movement, I swear, it was doing jumping jacks in there. It was absolutely the neatest thing I have ever seen. It now has fingers and toes and just looks beautiful. I cannot even begin to tell you how nervous I have been lately. With each ultrasound my worries cease little by little. I am so very grateful that these past few weeks have brought us nothing but joy and good news. I did not want to leave my RE's office. They have been so great through this whole process and I would love for them to be a part of the end result. This is all almost too good to be true, but I am taking it as it comes. I am so happy, still concerned as I believe anyone in our shoes would be, but so very happy. It's so overwhelming to think that after such a very long hard road that our prayers are finally going to be answered. I pray that the good news keeps coming and I continue to pray for all of you too. Thanks for the support as always.

Anxiously Awaiting

Our last appointment with the RE before he releases us to the OB is tomorrow morning. It has been eleven days since our last ultrasound and it's been so hard waiting to go back. Every little thing that goes on in my body freaks me out and makes me think that there is something wrong. I've still been feeling sick but for the past couple of days I haven't been feeling as sick. And my stomach keeps mildly cramping for just a couple minutes at a time, which I read, is just the muscles in the uterus stretching but my mind wanders and makes me think if it could possibly be something else. I guess my worries will never cease until the delivery and then I'll find something else to worry about I suppose. I am such a Negative Nancy at times but the road of infertility has left me shattered and my confidence broken. I have been praying really, really, really hard that tomorrow at the ultrasound that we will see the little one's heart just beating away. I'm just really nervous. Say your prayers for us.

A sigh of relief

I am currently 8 weeks and 3 days along. We had an ultrasound today and the heartbeat is still going strong. We have made it passed the 8 week hump that we could never seem to get past. I breathed a huge sigh of relief once I saw the little heart thumping away. We even got to see some movement, it was moving around it's little nub of an arm. I am more confident that this pregnancy is going to make it. We are, by far, not out of the woods, but well on our way. We have one more appointment with the RE before he releases us to the OB on the 19th. I'm going to be chomping at the bit until then, but this appointment has helped to ease my mind because through five pregnancies previous, we have never made it past eight weeks. Keep the prayers and well wishes coming. Your support has made this process a little easier to go through. Thank you.

No More Hormones

My doctor's office called me with the results of my last beta that I had done on Friday and the nurse said the my RE did not want me testing anymore. I asked if it was because my hcg levels could go down on their because between 8-12 weeks the placenta will start to take over. And she said, no, it's because these numbers won't tell us anything anymore. So, I simply said, okay, I won't get tested anymore. I know the numbers don't really say much as this point, but the fact that they go up means that the fetus is still alive. But whatever, the doc says don't do it so I should respect his decision and no do it. And I'm going to. I guess if the last miscarriage we had at eight weeks wasn't detected until my hormone levels dropped than it wouldn't mean so much to me to get my levels tested. We do have an appointment on Thursday and that will tell us a lot more anyway. I just need to realize that if this pregnancy is going to end as the others have in the past, that there's nothing that I can do about it and to just put my faith in God and trust the doctor. After all, why are we paying this man so much if I'm not going to trust what he says? So now we wait, like we have been. I should really pray for patience because I don't possess much of it.

Visit to the ER

Don't worry, nothing major. But yesterday I had some brown discharge (TMI, sorry) and I got a little worried and seeing as how both my RE and OB were out due to the holiday I had no choice but to go to the ER. They did an u/s and put my mind at ease. Everything looked fine. There was a little tear of some sort somewhere down below (didn't quite understand what the tech was telling me) but said it's completely normal. The little bambino now has formed it's head and nubs for arms and legs. I hope it keeps on growing. The heart rate has also went up to 175. I got my hcg levels tested again to, as I have been doing twice weekly, and those also went up. I'm all the way up to 90,000. And boy, can I tell they've gone up. The nausea is more than sinking but I don't care. As long as this pregnancy progresses as it's supposed, I'll feel sick every day if I have to. I'm still anxiously awaiting our ultrasound this coming Thursday. I hope I'll feel more at ease then and start to enjoy what's going on in my body and not worry every second of every day. Yeah right, I'll still worry, just not as much. ;)