Friday, December 5, 2008

Sixth time the charm???

Well, I'm pregnant. Call me crazy, but I've been taking a cheap dollar store pregnancy test since we triggered on the 22nd simply to watch the pregnancy line go from darker to lighter as the hormones from the shot escaped my system. The line was completely gone for one day and then the came back and proceeded to get darker the next days that I took them. I took all these tests because if, in fact, we did get pregnant this cycle I wanted to make sure that when I took a HPT that it was because I was actually pregnant and not leftover hormones. I called my doctor's office 9dpo and requested a beta. They didn't have me scheduled for one until this Monday the 7th but they let me test anyway. My beta was a 15 and progesterone 39.6. It still didn't sink in and we tested again today. Beta was a 67 at 11dpo. It quadrupled. We are still scheduled to get another beta on Monday. Let me recap on our journey thus far.

2002 - Ectopic pregnancy (my first struggle, only a glimpse of the future to come). Laproscopy with D&C.

August 2006 - Got married to my wonderful husband

November 2006 - Went off BCP

January 2007 - started TTC

February 2007 - BFP

March 2007 - Miscarriage at 8 weeks. Had several ultrasounds and beta tests before hand and saw a hearbeat and had good beta numbers the whole way. I was so very sick the whole short-lived pregnancy. I was throwing up at least three times a day and never once considered miscarriage as a possibility. Boy was I wrong. Had a D&C and was told to start trying again in three months.

August 2007 - BFP. First Beta 150. 2nd Beta two days later 233. Not a good sign. Ultrasound shows nothing, next beta numbers drop. Chemical pregnancy.

October 2007 - Had an HSG. Everything looks normal even my right tube where the ectopic occured. (and just a little side note, that whole procedure for me was excrutiatingly painful, thank goodness we only had to do it once).

January 2008 - BFP again. Had beta's done every Tuesday and Thursday since we found out. Numbers rose beautifully. At six weeks had an ultrasound and showed a heartbeat. Is history repeating itself??? Continued to have betas twice weekly. At the eigth week the numbers decreased. Ultrasound detects no heartbeat. Really??? Again??? Had yet another D&C. Heartbroken and discouraged we waited a few cycles and tried again.

March 2008 - Had a gigantic work up for every blood and chromosomal disorder under the sun and everything comes back normal.

May 2008 - Meet with RE. Says we just have bad luck and instructs me to begin taking a low dose aspirin and folic acid every day. I already started the aspirin, sometimes I think I should have been a doctor.

August 2008 - BFP, yes, again. First beta 26, second beta 24. Chemical Pregnancy.

August 2008 - RE says we're not doing this on our own again. He's going to give us some help.

September 2008 - Started first cycle of stims. BFN

October 2008 - Cancelled cycle due to cysts.

November 2008 - Took stims again. IUI on November 24th.

December 2008 - Pregnant.

So as I sit here typing, truly pregnant, I am overwhelmed with sadness. This should be a happy time right? I have learned to not let myself get excited because with every pregnancy has come heartache but we just can't give up. Five times I have been pregnant before and five times I have been left empty and broken. Please do not misunderstand me, I am not sad that I am pregnant, I am sad to what this pregnancy might lead to, another failed attempt to make me whole. So, please do not just yet congratulate me, but pray for me and my husband to carry this little one to term.

I will update more on Monday after our third beta. Thank you all so much for your support. Just knowing that you read my blogs gives me so much encouragement. Pray. Pray. Pray.


sweetpeanme said...

It is so hard to understand God's ways sometimes and when I read your story my heart just breaks. And yet there is hope and I am praying that God will continue "knitting" that wonderful miracle in your womb.

What a great idea with the dollar store tests! I wish I would have thought of that...though I'm terrified of POAS at this time!

Praying "congratulations!" will be music to your ears soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emily said...

I am sorry I am just getting to this post now. I am thinking of you, praying for you and wishing this is the miracle you have been waiting for!